How 10 Minutes of “Me” Time Can Change Your Life

How 10 Minutes of “Me” Time Can Change Your Life
I checked all of the boxes…

Go to college, get good grades while learning to live on coffee and Ramen, fielding late night calls from professors asking where I was because my project was not complete and on my desk at 11 pm almost a full day before it was due and reminding me that sleep was a luxury. Graduate with honors. 

Check. 

Get married to the true love of my life, my college sweetheart who I met by the grace of God 6 years before I finally felt I had accomplished enough to say I do. Thank you Jesus that you gave him patience. Lol…but seriously! 

Check. 

Get a good job that would require me to prove my worth in a field dominated by very conservative men. 

Check. 

Buy a house in a nice neighborhood and a car that didn’t require weekly repairs and “fit in” to said neighborhood. 

Check. 

Have babies and decide that it was best for our family that I leave my job to stay at home with them because my heart broke when I toured each and every childcare option and the cost was not justifiable when compared to my salary and expenses. 

Check. 

I thought at this point that I would slow down and truly treasure this time with the tiny person we had made, and I did, until my first baby started walking and we learned we were pregnant with our second and I was already starting my third business from home. Mom boss culture was my MO and I was officially addicted to “busy”. 

Seemingly in the blink of an eye my kiddos were 6 and 4 and as much as I loved the life we had built, I was constantly overstimulated, overstressed and I would seethe with jealousy any time I saw another mom post about a girl’s weekend somewhere. 

Then, I saw THE post. I’m not even sure who posted it, or exactly what it was about but I do remember that it was about the importance of “me” time which seemed to be a hot topic lately. I normally flippantly laughed these off and kept scrolling, but this time one of the comments caught my eye. A fellow mama said “My “me” time is on the toilet with the door open in the 30 seconds it takes my toddler to realize that I’ve “left her forever”. 

My first thought, oh my goodness! This girl gets it and I’m not alone!! My second, is this what motherhood is meant to be? What are we teaching our children if we are constantly modeling stress, overwhelm and unhealthy sacrifice showing up as skeleton versions of ourselves in order to meet their needs? If we are constantly telling them that Mama needs a break from them, what does that do to their self-worth? 

That’s when I knew that something needed to change and it had to be in a way that was realistic and sustainable for me, so I made a commitment to myself that I would find 10 minutes every day for “me” time. What would I do with that 10 minutes? At first, I just sat quietly, took a walk, journaled, read, or prayed. Whatever my heart told me that I wanted….not need….to do just for me at that time. The to-do list could wait.

I also told myself I was also not going to allow any negative thoughts to stick around in that 10 minutes so if any came in, I would picture a warm blanket being wrapped around it and gently push it away in favor of something positive. I allowed myself to dream, picture the ideal version of myself doing exactly what she was put here to do. 

Was it hard at first? Absolutely! After about a week or two, I learned to look forward to that 10 minutes and started looking for ways to extend my time to allow me to actually step into the much better, healthier, and healed version of me that I had pictured. I started setting goals and identifying habits that I needed to change or implement in order to get me there. I felt less guilty about asking for help and the best part, I started enjoying my time with my family SO much more! I started to actually like me again!! 

If you resonate with any of this please know I see you and also know that all of these things are possible for you as well. I’ve created a group over on Facebook of women just like you that are committing to 10 minutes of “me” and seeing where it takes them. If you would like to join us and take the challenge here’s your link! (Click Here) I can’t wait to see what it does for you! 


How to Avoid Toxic Relationships That Go Nowhere

How to Avoid Toxic Relationships That Go Nowhere
We have all been there, you meet someone, you share a common interest, you exchange contact info and you make plans for more meet-ups and conversations and your imagination runs wild with possibilities of what could be. 

If you're anything like me, this is the point where you start to over-analyze EV-ARY-THING and you might even find yourself putting up walls and even eventually sabotaging things even if things are going well and there are no red flags because deep down you "know" that....warning this next part may hit between the eyes...healthy relationships just don't exist for you.

Sting a little? Is that your 'truth"? 

Ohhh my dear friend, let me pause and offer you the BIGGEST virtual hug and tell you that that does NOT have to be your truth anymore. 

How do I know? I was you.

For most of my life, I allowed almost anyone I shared a common interest with into what I considered to be my inner circle almost immediately. I prided myself on authenticity, openness, and the fact that I would bend over backward to help anyone I could. (To coin a current buzzword, I had no boundaries) 

This resulted in an extremely burned-out, resentful, bitter, and skeptical version of myself with a plastered-on smile and a broken heart. I hit rock bottom and I had no idea how I got there when all I had ever wanted was to love and be loved.

The one nice thing about rock bottom? There is nowhere to go but up. (I know, queue the ding for cheesy cliches, but you get my point.)

I had always been an optimistic, fairly social, outgoing person who had a huge heart for others and seemingly overnight I lost every single one of those qualities. I couldn't find the positive in anything, "I didn't want to people", I just wanted to lay in bed or on my couch and do the bare minimum to function in my life. Whenever someone called, I would hit ignore or answer with an unspoken goal to get off the phone as soon as possible. 

I knew I had to do something and it seemed my best option was to admit that I needed therapy. That was not an easy pill to swallow, not only from an ego perspective, but also it meant that I had to share my feelings with another human being and be honest. That scared the crap out of the people pleaser in me. I did it anyway because the fear was less painful than staying in my own mind at that point.

In my first session, I remember feeling scared to death, but I jumped in with both feet and poured out my story and my heart. I was totally honest maybe for the first time in my life. She listened and asked a question I will never forget: 

Have you ever considered setting clear boundaries as to what is and isn't acceptable in a relationship so that you have a gauge to ensure that your core relationships (the ones that affect your daily life and headspace) are positive and healthy with a good balance of give and take? 

Well....um...no. No I'm pretty sure I have not thought about what I actually want out of relationships well, ever. I've only considered what I could give and my feelings on how their actions make me feel in the moment. I've never considered defining what my needs actually are from the get-go. 

She then proceeded to encourage me to clearly define what I needed from each relationship in my life and what I was willing and actually able to give in return. If there was a sustained uneven balance, that was not fair to either party. Mind blown. 

After much reflection and prayer, I made the harsh realization that I had been searching for validation, love, and affection from anyone and everyone I met. So much so that I had been willing to give all of myself, my energy, and resources in order to gain their approval, and in the process, I was tearing myself apart in order to put them back together when they hadn't even asked me to. 

This realization lead me to several long sleepless nights of prayer, reflection, and brutal honesty with myself. I came to realize that at the root of it, I had a vertical relationship problem (between me on earth and God in heaven), not a horizontal one (between me and others down here on earth.) I was searching for my self-worth in human approval instead of standing in my god-given full value. 

I continued therapy for about 3 months learning about the signs and cycles surrounding toxic relationships and then I met with the lead minister of my church and he encouraged me to simply spend more time in prayer and form a true relationship with the Lord so that he could fill me rather than the world and to start serving in the church. 

I started implementing a morning routine that allowed me to focus my eyes first on the Lord and form an actual relationship with him. I took a good hard look at the core group of people I spent the most time with and made some changes there and slowly, slowly I started standing taller, accepting less from new relationships and more standards (boundaries) from ones that were tried and true.

As of today I can say I've never felt more secure in who I am and what I bring to the world. These few simple changes have made all the difference.

Are you like me? A recovering people pleaser?  Are you burned out and plastering on a smile? My friend, it doesn't have to be this way! I've created a group for us to heal, grow and learn to thrive again or for the first time. There's no catch just community. If that's something you need check it out here. 

How to avoid toxic relationships that go nowhere

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