How to Avoid Toxic Relationships That Go Nowhere

How to Avoid Toxic Relationships That Go Nowhere
We have all been there, you meet someone, you share a common interest, you exchange contact info and you make plans for more meet-ups and conversations and your imagination runs wild with possibilities of what could be. 

If you're anything like me, this is the point where you start to over-analyze EV-ARY-THING and you might even find yourself putting up walls and even eventually sabotaging things even if things are going well and there are no red flags because deep down you "know" that....warning this next part may hit between the eyes...healthy relationships just don't exist for you.

Sting a little? Is that your 'truth"? 

Ohhh my dear friend, let me pause and offer you the BIGGEST virtual hug and tell you that that does NOT have to be your truth anymore. 

How do I know? I was you.

For most of my life, I allowed almost anyone I shared a common interest with into what I considered to be my inner circle almost immediately. I prided myself on authenticity, openness, and the fact that I would bend over backward to help anyone I could. (To coin a current buzzword, I had no boundaries) 

This resulted in an extremely burned-out, resentful, bitter, and skeptical version of myself with a plastered-on smile and a broken heart. I hit rock bottom and I had no idea how I got there when all I had ever wanted was to love and be loved.

The one nice thing about rock bottom? There is nowhere to go but up. (I know, queue the ding for cheesy cliches, but you get my point.)

I had always been an optimistic, fairly social, outgoing person who had a huge heart for others and seemingly overnight I lost every single one of those qualities. I couldn't find the positive in anything, "I didn't want to people", I just wanted to lay in bed or on my couch and do the bare minimum to function in my life. Whenever someone called, I would hit ignore or answer with an unspoken goal to get off the phone as soon as possible. 

I knew I had to do something and it seemed my best option was to admit that I needed therapy. That was not an easy pill to swallow, not only from an ego perspective, but also it meant that I had to share my feelings with another human being and be honest. That scared the crap out of the people pleaser in me. I did it anyway because the fear was less painful than staying in my own mind at that point.

In my first session, I remember feeling scared to death, but I jumped in with both feet and poured out my story and my heart. I was totally honest maybe for the first time in my life. She listened and asked a question I will never forget: 

Have you ever considered setting clear boundaries as to what is and isn't acceptable in a relationship so that you have a gauge to ensure that your core relationships (the ones that affect your daily life and headspace) are positive and healthy with a good balance of give and take? No I'm pretty sure I have not thought about what I actually want out of relationships well, ever. I've only considered what I could give and my feelings on how their actions make me feel in the moment. I've never considered defining what my needs actually are from the get-go. 

She then proceeded to encourage me to clearly define what I needed from each relationship in my life and what I was willing and actually able to give in return. If there was a sustained uneven balance, that was not fair to either party. Mind blown. 

After much reflection and prayer, I made the harsh realization that I had been searching for validation, love, and affection from anyone and everyone I met. So much so that I had been willing to give all of myself, my energy, and resources in order to gain their approval, and in the process, I was tearing myself apart in order to put them back together when they hadn't even asked me to. 

This realization lead me to several long sleepless nights of prayer, reflection, and brutal honesty with myself. I came to realize that at the root of it, I had a vertical relationship problem (between me on earth and God in heaven), not a horizontal one (between me and others down here on earth.) I was searching for my self-worth in human approval instead of standing in my god-given full value. 

I continued therapy for about 3 months learning about the signs and cycles surrounding toxic relationships and then I met with the lead minister of my church and he encouraged me to simply spend more time in prayer and form a true relationship with the Lord so that he could fill me rather than the world and to start serving in the church. 

I started implementing a morning routine that allowed me to focus my eyes first on the Lord and form an actual relationship with him. I took a good hard look at the core group of people I spent the most time with and made some changes there and slowly, slowly I started standing taller, accepting less from new relationships and more standards (boundaries) from ones that were tried and true.

As of today I can say I've never felt more secure in who I am and what I bring to the world. These few simple changes have made all the difference.

Are you like me? A recovering people pleaser?  Are you burned out and plastering on a smile? My friend, it doesn't have to be this way! I've created a group for us to heal, grow and learn to thrive again or for the first time. There's no catch just community. If that's something you need check it out here. 

How to avoid toxic relationships that go nowhere

Is your brain secretly addicted to unhappiness? How to retrain your brain to be happy today!

Is your brain secretly addicted to unhappiness? How to retrain your brain to be happy today!
Learn how to trigger your brain to create long term happiness and deeper relationships starting today!

Why are emotional boundaries important? Learning to say no!

Why are emotional boundaries important? Learning to say no!
Have trouble saying no? Need to stop taking responsibility for the feelings of others? You may benefit from this short read on setting emotional boundaries. 
Emotional Boundaries, How to Say No, Emotional Health

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How I Use My Sense of Smell to Help Clear Negative Emotions

How I Use My Sense of Smell to Help Clear Negative Emotions

When there is a conflict between reason and feeling, human beings will always side with feeling. It has been said that 99% of life’s decisions are made from feelings. 

Therefore, if you want your life to be guided by good decisions that lead to health, happiness, and fulfillment, you need to be aware of, and in control of your present feelings and to learn how to release the repressed emotions of the past.

Do you need to find release and happiness by clearing some negative emotions? 

I mean, who doesn't have negative emotions from time to time or those negative thoughts that tell you what is wrong with you and why you can't or shouldn't do something? 

What if you could make those negative feelings go away for good? What if your sense of smell held the key? 

Did you know that your sense of smell is a direct link to the emotional center of your brain? 

Yup! Remember the last time you smelled something and it immediately triggered a memory or someone or maybe something that happened and it made you feel something right away? 

Every time I smell cinnamon it reminds me of my Mom and Christmas time and that giddy childlike excitement comes back to me immediately no matter what I was feeling before! See what I mean? Pretty cool huh? 

Okay so now, if you know anything about essential oils, you know most of them smell good. If you get them from a reliable source (not a retail store or Amazon) they are simply the life blood of the plant they were made from, so naturally, they smell like that plant. 

Now, if you are well versed to take that life blood (essential oil) and blend it with other essential oils from different plants in such a way to match it to the energy level of a certain emotion, such as Joy for example, the result is an extremely powerful tool that if used correctly, can be life altering!

When that power is harnessed you get results like this: 

"I feel so amazing today. I used Joy yesterday and this morning before church. I was actually smiling and laughing in church. I haven't done that in a long time! Praise the Lord! Thank you so much for sending me those oils. I think my body got stuck in a place and needed something to correct it or some such thing like that. Like a reset."  -- Kelly P. 

Powerful huh? 

These are the kinds of results I love to see from my family and friends, so I have learned a therapeutic technique involving the use of a specific set of essential oils which allows you to clear negative emotions surrounding specific goals you may have and the cycles that you may be stuck in that only allow you to start strong and never follow through and get the results you desire.

My friend, I've been there!!....Who am I kidding? I'm still there sometimes, but now I have the tools to:

- Identify the emotional blocks 
- Release
- Move on
- Accomplish and even crush goals!  

So how do emotional blocks get there in the first place and how do you actually clear them for good? 

Most of our feelings are not responses to current happenings. They originate from the programming in cellular memory that was imprinted by the emotional experiences of our past that we were unable to understand, process, and resolve at the time.

These forgotten traumatic experiences function as live programming in our bodies, affecting every aspect of our lives, particularly how we make decisions. When our thoughts are limited by fears, lack of self-worth, and not feeling good enough for more or better, we make decisions that limit our success. Limited thinking leads to limited decisions that lead to a limited life far short of the God-given potential we actually possess.

By focusing on fixing your feelings, you can fix most aspects of your life--physical, mental, and spiritual. 

Essential oils are perfect vehicles to help you in this task because their molecules pass directly to the emotional brain and can bring us into contact with the issues we have long forgotten and enable us to deal with them and resolve them once and for all. When we clear our emotional baggage, we clear the way to manifest our true and highest potential.

How essential oils work with the body to clear negativity and move forward:  

Thought equals frequency. Essential oils absorb our thoughts. 

They are registered in the oils as intent. Intent is directed energy. 

When you apply an intent-energized oil on your feet they can saturate all of your cells within 60 seconds, stimulating creative thinking and pushing negative energy out of the cells, thus increasing the frequencies of the cells throughout the body. 

In that uplifted state you can create a new desire to be better tomorrow. You have no limitations but those you choose to accept.”

The use of a specific set of oil blends every morning and night before bed for 30 days can change your life.

I'd be honored to share this process with you and help you feel the same kind of release and start moving forward in your journey just like many of my friends and I have! 

Contact me today for your free session. No obligation and it only takes about 30 minutes to start seeing results! 

If you have your own experience with emotional clearing with pure essential oils please share in the comments!